My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
