You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
