I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
