Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's always time for handjobs
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
