Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
