when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We named our party play list daddy issues
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
