trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
