At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
