He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
