dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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