so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
