Will you blow on my dice?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
