just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
