I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
