I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
