I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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