i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
