Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
