We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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