I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
