I have demons in me.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
