He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
