my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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