Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize