I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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