so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
