you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
