just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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