so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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