I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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