I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
