Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.

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(361): View more from Texas

is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

(702): View more from Nevada

not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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(714): View more from California

We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.

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(949): View more from California

shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...

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(702): View more from Nevada

And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.

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(305): View more from Florida

God, I missed his penis.

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