This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
