Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
