Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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