you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
