Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
