Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
