I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
