i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
