Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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