Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
