stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have feelings that need drinking.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize