just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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