The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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