i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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