Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize