i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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