Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
