So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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