i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize