i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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