Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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