i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
