He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
