just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This toilet bowl is my home.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
