Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
