i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
