My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
