someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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