Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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