After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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