If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
