help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
