Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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