just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
