I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize