I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
