yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
