I've blown a few things in my day
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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