I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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