i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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